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Forum LockedGet To Know A UT3 Player - COKKENBALLS

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    Posted: 04 May 2009 at 1:19am
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Welcome everyone to the first interview of this session of  Get To Know A UT3 Player.

I want to thank you for allowing me to be your reporter.

My first interview bares no introduction, his name says it all. He has been a part of this game and community for a long time and wherever he goes he brings laughter and battle insanity to this game. I’d like to introduce you all to COKKENBALLS.

 

First and foremost. I would like to thank Jappy for doing this interview via web cam. I still can't believe you agreed to do this interview topless. I should have wore safety goggles! It's like a dead heat in a zeppelin race!

 

Anything I can do to make you more comfortable Mr. Balls.

Stop staring and lets get to answering my questions.

 

What is your age? By the calendar, I am 36. By the way I act, I am probably closer to 17.

Sex? Not nearly enough

Where are you from? Rochester New York

What is your real name? Dick Shagwell. -No, really it's Matt.

 

Lets get to know the real you! Mr Balls, what do you do outside of UT3?

 

When I'm not clubbing seals and poking holes in the ozone layer? Seriously, I'm a total gear head. I convert diesel vehicles to run on Waste Vegetable Oil. I build motorcycles. Mostly, I spend time with my daughter. The create of a human being doesn't end at birth. As long as I have her attention I am shaping her. That's important to me .

 

Everyone who knows you, knows that you have been an active member of this community. You have a lot of experience; please share with us your wonderful knowledge! What pointers do you have for us? 

 

Get a mic! Anyone who has played with me knows that the best part of my game is my mouth. No, not just because I can eat a peach for hours. Because I tend to speak my mind and bust a lotta balls! I'm not the type of player that has natural ability like the rest of my TRU clan mates. I have to rely on my smarts. I watch players tendencies and make notes. If you are new and getting your fanny handed to you. Don't sweat it. Learn the maps and what other players like to do. At the very least, you could wind up being at the cutting edge of mediocrity like me!

 

But each player, even if you call yourself mediocre (which some disagree, like myself) must have their own strategies. Without giving away all your secrets, give us a taste of what's in your mind when strategizing.

 

Have you ever seen a chubby guy that hangs out with even chubbier guys? He doesn't look so chubby when he has a couple of lard-asses around him. That's the approach I take in warfare. I'm an ok player, I surround myself with even better players and suddenly I look pretty damn good. Lunchy, Ace and Trendy are my lard-asses. -JK.

 

Being a person that is almost completely sans-talent. I employ strategy almost every time I play. I generally watch what people do and try to figure out ways to stop what they are doing. Since I am not that great a fragger,  I can't impose my will on others the way players like ReverendCrow or EKTrendy can. I have to try and figure out what someone's next move is going to be and beat them to it. Basically, it's gambling. Sometimes I lose and sometimes I win. Mostly, I just try to shoot you in the back.

 

With this great experience you have do you have any special Maps that you like where your strategies have grown?

 

Does the MapQuest map that direct me to your apartment count? Among the stock maps, I like FLOODGATE the best. It has everything you want in a warfare map. The sides are balanced, everyone has the same vehicles, terrain and power-ups. The way the prime nodes are set up, the redeemer doesn't play a huge role in the game. The core is defensible and the game generally last on that map. Floodgate is great.

 

In regards to the new maps. I haven't played any of them enough to determine a favorite. Although, I do like Downtown Necris. The one thing I don't like about Necris maps is the condition of the roads. Ever notice how sh*tty the roads are on Necris maps? They blow

 

What about maps you hate?

 

Cold Harbor. This map is about as fun as getting your dork stuck in your zipper. As a matter of fact. I think I'd rather get my shwantz caught in my zipper than play this map again.

 

Here comes the dreaded questions for you Mr. balls, with the recent activities on UT3. Titan pack, your thoughts?!?!

 

Overall, the Titan Pack is great. I love playing Betrayal and Greed. I just love stuffing the skull hole in Greed. The new maps are pretty cool too, especially Rails, that map is cool. The Titan itself screams of a programmer with a small pecker. It’s just overkill .

 

As we all know UT3 never became a game of fame and fortune and we all know that the majority of the fans of PS3 are playing bigger and better games. Why are you personally just sticking to this game?

 

The speed of the game. The weapons. The people. UT3 is not only the first FPS game I have ever played. It's the first game I have ever played online against other people. I also like the mods. They are a nice change of pace. Nothing too crazy though. I recently played Resistance2. It was a nice game but, doesn't hold a candle to UT3. The game speed is slower and I really missed my hover board.

 

With likes there is dislikes, share with us your dislikes about this game.

 

Spawn-killers and idle players are the worst things about this game. Your behavior in the game is an extension of your behavior in real life. If you spawn kill, you're probably a dildo in real life. If you sit idle for extended periods of time, it tells me that you're a bit selfish. If you weren't, you wouldn't care if you lost your spot in a full server, you'd log out when mom calls you away from the game.

 

Oh and Titan. I hate the Titan mode. It's absolute overkill. In competitive modes that have a clan base, the Titan mode has really screwed sh*t up. The redeemer like explosion when you die is also way over the top. It has turned the game into a big clusterf***.

 

We are finally getting to know what makes you tick Mr. Balls and I’m sure others are now going to be adding you to your friends list. Speaking of friends and the online community, we must know your thoughts on them. What players do you feel are worth battling with or against?

 

This is a loaded question. No matter how many people I list. There’s going to be someone out there with a moist vaggy upset that they weren’t mentioned. I’m going to stick with those that I play with the most. Every single player on this list is better than me.

 

Lunchy- Can play 2 on 1 in Downtown and hold you off all day

Jpinator- Tenacious defender

ColombianCrusher- The man gave me my start and taught me the basics.

Aceoblivion- He doesn't care how many times he dies. He will get the job done.

ReverendCrow- Can walk into any mode and be competitive. Owns in duel.

ATX- Yes, ATX. He's so naturally good at this game. With his head screwed on straight he could be unstoppable.

Spagender- Game changer. Lets his rockets do the talking

WrathOfOlives- Not to be confused with the copy-cat twat wrathofTHEolives. The original guy was on when I first started playing. He was a stud in warfare.

RY2122/Apollo_Warrior- An absolute warfare beast. One of the most underrated players in warfare. He's also a funny prick .

 

We have all started out as newbie's and I’m sure you have some people that you would like to thank for getting you this far. What players have helped you achieve this stardom?

 

ColombianCrusher- A close personal friend and the man who turned me on to this game. He is the reason, person to blame for me being so into this game. Crusher is tops.

Lunchy- Who is a better all around player? He kills, defends, carries a team, beats you when he's out-manned. Lunchy taught me to round out my warfare game. Nobody uses jump boots better.  

Aceoblivion- A constant reminder as to why this game is fun. He's also a battering ram. He could give a frog's fat-ass about stats. He just pushes forward. You kill him, he doesn't care. He gets right back up and comes back for more. He's like the Terminator but, affable and fun. I hear he looks like an underwear model. –Men's underwear, that is. .

Jpinator- Patient, kind and doesn't' take sh*t too seriously. Jappy also takes time out of her day to set up private servers to rain down her warfare knowledge on noobs. -That's cool. Jappy can also protect Enemy Prime with the orb like a bear protects its cubs.

Warhore- He's a prickly bastard but, he's my kind of prickly bastard. He's the one who got me to start looking at the strategic part of the game. He also reminds me of one of old lacrosse coaches. A real red-ass.

Woolvie- WAAAY better than he gives himself credit for. Another sick defender who is fun as sh*t to play with. Sometimes when we are on the same team. It's like we are there just to entertain each other.

 

Before you were a star here on UT3, you were labeled a noob, just like everyone else. What was it like?

 

The first night I ever played online. I followed ColombianCrusher into a match on Serenity. It was on one of the GOW servers. I came in literally seconds before the match ended. The only thing I was able to do was drive a scorpion off the map and die. I ended the game with a -1 score. Nootsac proceeded to kick/ban me. -That's what it's like to be a noob. In his defense, we wound up chatting on UT3 forums and he helped me out a lot. Noot taught me that learning the maps was the best thing a crappy player could do to improve their game.

 

How was it when you first started playing your mode, Warfare?

 

It was exciting! I was under strict direction from ColombianCrusher to complete the campaign before I went online. I did that and met so many new people. I was learning all kinds of stuff from the GOW guys. There were new mods and maps all the time. It was a blast.

 

We all make mistakes from time to time while playing this game, was there something that you have done that you will never forget?

 

There are too many. I’ve driven off the map on every one it is possible to. I’ve gotten out of a vehicle to heal it and had it roll down the hill and kill me. I’ve bounced flak off of so many walls and killed myself.

 

Once instance does come to mind though. When I first started to gain some confidence in the game. I was playing Sinkhole and Jappy was on my team. I decided I was going to dazzle the world with my Manta skills and hopped in one. Next thing I know, I start lagging badly and I hear “Who’s in the friggin’ Manta?!?” While I was lagging, I was bouncing JP off of a wall repeatedly. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t even say anything. I logged out of the game and didn’t come back. I felt like a tool.

 

Since you have knowledge in Warfare, what are some do's and don'ts of your favorite mode?

 

Warfare is my mode. If I could only give one piece of advice to someone new. It would be this. DON’T LISTEN TO THAT STUPID b**** GIVING YOU DIRECTIONS! If she says “attack the tank node” –Don’t listen to her. She’s full of sh*t and only manages to monkey up the game.

Here are some other do’s/don’ts

-Don’t announce to everyone on your team that you are playing naked. Unless, you are a female and are willing to send pics. –Thanks JP

-Do not spawn-kill.

-Do not key your mic so everyone can hear the crappy music you are listening to.

-Do not shoot at COKKENBALLS

 

I'd like to thank you Cokkenballs for taking the time to answer these questions, I greatly appreciate it.  I hope everyone now knows a little bit more about this UT3 player.

 

My personal note- (Which I will give on all interviews)

I've known this player for a long time, don't let his name fool you, sure it matches his sense of humor but there is also a serious side of him that he brings out that is needed and wanted in any intense battle, which most of his present and past clan mates knows also.

 

Thanks guys for reading this all the way through, lol. I will see you next time on "Get To Know A UT3 Player"

Cokken is located on the left! :) thanks for pic!!


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Post Options Post Options   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 1:20am
I couldn't get rid of the Onenote garble on top, so sorry bout that. And don't yell at me about the green text. Cokkenballs insisted I write in green like he does LOL!!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote FoXy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 1:26am
awwww gj JP xD very excitn stuff i laughed my azz off <3
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Post Options Post Options   Quote puertoRICAN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 1:32am
GREAT JOB ON THE INTERVIEW!!!
u sounded really pro.
and ofcourse "MR.balls" made the interview that much better!!!
5 0f 5 stars!!! lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnAYGqjcGEE&feature=youtu.be
Watch in 720P....duh
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 1:36am
LOL, I thought it was a nice touch!!! Thanks Foxy!!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote ReverendCrow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 1:38am
HEY LOOK its vahgeyenah in the pic XD yeah u still need to head over sometime for the drinks haha that or atleast so i can harass u
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Post Options Post Options   Quote GoDead Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 1:51am
hilarious! :D great 1st interview!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SP61gTSupra Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 2:43am
Very good! Though i must add that Cokk is helleva lot better than he gives himself credit for! 
Pepsi puppies get more puppy pussy.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote PcX_Potorikan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 4:11am
awesome job jippers.. Barbara Walters can kiss both our asses now lol.  great job indeed!
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Post Options Post Options   Quote TX2k7 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 5:23am
funny & professional! haha nice! good job JP, lookn forward to more great interviews
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SickNviciouS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 5:57am

Awesome!

StarStarStarStarStar

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Post Options Post Options   Quote ColossusSlayer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 6:41am
i enjoyed that thanks JP and Cock

XD
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Post Options Post Options   Quote ThAtSmAtT Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 7:07am
haha that was hilarious!! good work 2 both of u. :)
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Danjel8 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 8:40am
Amazing I loved reading that! Mr Balls you look just how I imagined, what a sexy little goatee beard you have. I think I'd rather stroke that than your cokkenballs.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote ThAtSmAtT Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 8:47am
what a sexy little goatee beard you have. I think I'd rather stroke that than your cokkenballs.

^^^ slightly disturbing xD
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Danjel8 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 8:53am
Trust me balls loves disturbing.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Supreme_Venom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 9:23am
cool nice work xD
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Post Options Post Options   Quote COKKENBALLS Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 9:42am
JP, top notch work. Efforts like this will keep the UT3 community together.
Danj, you're welcome to stroke it anytime.
For those of you in Canada. That pic was taken on the first tee at Battlefield Golf Course in Niagra Falls Canada. Some buddies and I try to get up there from NY once a year to golf and check out the Canadian Ballet.
BTW, while I was kidding about JP being on a web cam. I have seen pics of her. She's nice to look at. Embarrassed
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Post Options Post Options   Quote TheProdigy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 9:57am
lol funny stuff balls.. worth reading..
Damn, "Hes a Beast!" No..
Hes a Real Life "Prodigy"
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Post Options Post Options   Quote BAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 10:04am
Great job guys!!! Funny, insightful and very interesting. Can't wait for the next one JP.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Pinnacle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 10:22am
For those who don't know Mr. Cokkenballs, he is the worker bee on the map. He does a lot of the work that gets unnoticed. Most importantly, he does a lot of the dirty work that most don't like to do. He protects the orb runner, he kills orb runners, he cuts off people from direct paths, he takes the longer way around the map to make sure the opponents are occupied, he heals nodes when everyone just takes off, etc. It's not about straight up attacking with his playing style. He plays a very smart game, and even though he doesn't admit it, he is really good at killing. More players should take note from his playing style and put in some work. This is a player that doesn't care about points, but likes to win.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote GOW_KillinUGood Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 11:26am
Great job Jp. Cokken, you are a funny bastard.  Very nice commentary, well written, full of laughs, well done.
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Post Options Post Options   Quote SilverJ-17 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 11:30am
Great reporting, JP.  This was both a great and funny review.  Also, I see that you act a lot like I do at times. (downplay how good you really are)
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Post Options Post Options   Quote Guests Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 12:46pm
I didn't expect this kind of feedback!! You guys are awesome!! thank you!!!!! 
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Post Options Post Options   Quote ThAtSmAtT Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2009 at 2:01pm
lol, it was great. people could easily mistake it for a pro review ;P cant wait for the next person :)
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