The Gentlemans Glossary

"I don't think I'll be getting laid tonight guys, the wife is up on blocks". · Originally posted by SP61gTSupra

    This seems to have been lost in shuffle from the site ownership change. If you offend easily, go watch Oprah and p1ss off.  Here it is again. . . 

Woody Woodpecker: When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your c*** on her forehead.

Western Grip: When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western.

Porn Buddy: A friend who is designated, should one die, to remove porno in all forms from one's domicile before one's family finds said porno.

Nunnilingus: The act of performing oral sex on a nun.

Mumblers: Really tight pants on a woman, usually spandex or lycra. Named because you can see the lips move, but you can't hear what they are saying.
Up on blocks: Menstruating. Out of service. A bit like a car in a garage. e.g. "I don't think I'll be getting laid tonight guys, the wife is up on blocks". 
Titanic: A woman who goes down the first time out.
Starfish Trooper: Yet another term for a homosexual.
Etch-A-Sketch: Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.
Bone of Contention: A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. one that arises when a man is watching women's figure skating on TV with his girlfriend.
Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French Kiss, but given "down under".
Willnots: Quite simply, those annoying bits of **** that stick to the hairs on your a** and will not come off!
Dirty Sanchez: While f***ing a girl doggy style, insert a finger in her a** and get it all ****ty. Then, reach around to her face and give her a **** moustache, a "****stache" if you will.
Colonel Mustard: Much like it's cousin, the Dirty Sanchez. The difference here is that the mustache is created "accidentally" from fresh semen under her nose with your unit.
Palm Sundae: Performed when you have a girl who doesn't want your load on her. So you get revenge by cumming in your own hand and then you slapping her in the face. Could make or break a relationship. 
Leather Cheerio: Yet another noteworthy name for the anus.
Caveman Club: When your girlfriend is bent over doing something you sneak up and smack your penis off her head. A semi-erect penis works best for the most clubbing effect.
Leave-In-Conditioner: Globs of semen strategically left in a woman's hairdo following fellatio.
Venus Fly Trap: While performing oral sex on a women, you insert your pinkies into her a**, ring fingers into her pussy and use your thumbs and pointer fingers as a chin rest.
Pencil Sharpener: A chick who gives a rough and toothy blowjob that sc****s your willy up.
Samoan Pile-Driver: A sexual position that occurs when a woman's back and the bed are perpendicular, but she is upside down. The man stands above the woman and points his gig due south, simply bending his knees for repeated stroking.
Beer Nuts: Condition experienced when you've had just enough alcohol to stave off ejaculation for marathon lengths.
Butterface: Term for a woman who has a rockin' bod, but a fugly face.
Hand-Balling: Placing or attempting to place the whole hand (or even both hands) into the rectum or vagina.
Roscoe: To beat another with one's penis.
Mushroom Tattoo: This is the mark that is left a couple of days after receiving a particularly firm Roscoe
Dog In A Bathtub: This is the proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's a**. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
Walrus: Make a girl sneeze after giving a blow job. The jizz will run down her face like walrus tusks.
Topeka Destroyer: The act of vomiting directly onto someone's head while they're performing fellatio on you.
Bait and Switch: When doing a chick doggie style, yell loudly and spit on her back to simulate ejaculation. Then, when she turns around to look back at you, blast her in the face with your man seed.
Double Coyote: Same as Coyote Arm except she's so ugly you gnaw off your other arm because you know she'll be looking for a one armed man.
Singapore Sling: The vile act of a woman (obviously a filthy whore), who has just got your load dropped in her after you've boned her. Reaching into herself, scooping it out, and slinging it at you.
Sort the Contents: When preparing to fart one must make sure it is really a fart and not a turd. Thus you "sort the contents" of your a**.
Key West Boomerang: Refers to a man inserting his penis into his own anus.
Southern Trespa**: Quickly switch from the woman's vagina to the corn hole, without missing a beat. If executed properly, this act catches the female by complete surprise, stunning her like a cattle prod to the a** in a rain storm. No matter how long the man reaps the benefits of his efforts, he can now be content with the fact that he has committed the coveted Southern Trespa**.
Monkey Finger: That digit which, having been withdrawn from an anus, is now dry and whose owner is inclined to sniff repeatedly and contentedly along the length of it.
Lunch-Puncher: Anal sex
Vulcan: To vaginally penetrate with your index and middle fingures while anally penetrating with your ring and pinky fingers, leaving the thumb to tickle the clit - creating a Vulcan salute. Speaking the words “Live long and prosper” is optional. 
Havana Omelet: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water.
Upper Decker: The process of removing the lid to the tank at the rear of the toilet and ****ting in there instead. This will eventually smell up the whole bathroom, and the owner will not know where the smell is coming from.
Prairie Dogging: When you have to take a dump so bad, a sneaky turd actually pops its head out like a prairie dog does out of its hole to look around.
Flying Camel: A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a cla** move. 
Going to the Bullpen: The act of fingering a woman’s anus prior to having anal sex. It kind of "paves the way".
Crop Dusting: When spooning with your woman, and you are in front with your back to her front, if a fart accidentally sneaks out into her bush, it's called crop-dusting.
Brushback Pitch: When you're getting head, yell "Batter Up!" Then, quickly pull out and give her a d*** in the ear.
The Lucent: The Lucent is when you eat so much spicy food your a** bleeds -- when out dab at your sore area with some paper, it leaves a perfect red ring, just like the Lucent logo! 
Laser Show: A Laser Show is when cum dries over the hole of your d*** -- you try to pee and urine shoots out in a million unpredictable directions.

Showcase: Depositing a mondo crap in the urinal so all can admire your work of art. Best performed at major sporting events or concerts.
Flying Squirrel: When a guy spreads his balls to receive a licking right up the middle.
Twinkler: When you are 69-ing with a hunee and she gags on your member and you can see her bung-hole pucker up.
Consolation Prize: When you take a girl home from the bar, thinking you're going to get laid. Instead, she pa**es out on the bed right before you get your pants off. To get revenge, you jerk off and spray your load all over her back.
Rusty Trombone: The process by which a girl is tossing a guy's salad and then reaches around and gives them a hand job.
The DaVinci: f*** a girl while she is on her period. Then after your d*** gets all bloody take it out and slap her in the face with it a whole bunch of times making her face look like a work of art.
F.U.P.A.: This is a an acronym describing one of the most revolting things a woman could have - Fat Upper Pussy Area. AKA –Gunt
Dragon: While receiving oral sex from a female, at the time of ejaculations and while she is swallowing, you give her a quick karate chop to the throat and watch as your semen flares out of nose as would a dragon with a flame.
Jim Henson: When you fist someone and physically lift them off the ground.
Toilet Gagger: A defecation so large that it cannot be flushed. Must be removed manually or by way of a strongly applied urine stream.
Starched Olives: When you are recieving oral sex and the giver spits the ejaculate onto the testicles.
Batwing:  The art of pulling your loose scrotum out of the bottom of your shorts in order to completely disgust your fellow party goers.
French Horn: Very much like the world famous Rusty Trombone. A French Horn is where somebody tosses a girl's salad while fisting her.
Screwnicorn: When a lesbian puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
Homolic Maneuver: Using your penis to dislodge an object blocking a choking victim's windpipe.
Clitourist: A man who won't stop and ask for directions in bed.
Falsifying the Evidence: While having sex with a woman you stick in however many fingers you want to give the illusion that your d*** is thicker. 
Midnight Catapult: While doing a girl doggy style, you put your arms around her, throw yourself backwards and toss her over your head. Best when done by a window 
Cornbacked Rattler: Watch out for these while camping! Long snake like piles of **** with undigested pieces of corn throughout their bodies.
Pause Rings: Spheracle indentions left every inch or so, on long tough turds, from the sphincter contracting, pryor to the next push.
Siskel and Ebert: While being intimate with a young lady, one removes her pants and panties. Then takes left thumb and thrusts it into her vagina, then takes right thumb and thrusts it into her a**hole. Two thumbs up!
Cliterature: Reading material read with one hand. 
Coughing Yogurt: Romantic expression for ejaculation.
Hand to Gland Combat: Vigorous three minute bout of gladiatorial combat involving your Spam javelin.
X-Piles: Unwanted visitors from Uranus. 
Flaming Pele: After having sex in the doggystyle position you pull out a lighter and light her a** hair on fire. Once this is done you give her a soccer style kick in the a**, sending her flying out the door.
Boston Rodeo: Lay a woman on the bed and titty f*** her and then shoot your wad up her nose so she sputters and sneezes, but can't get rid of the cum because you're sitting on her chest. 
KP Sunblock: While recieving oral sex from a female, before ejaculation, spit on your hand and then proceed to bust into the spit hand. While the girl is still on her knees , smother the hand on her forehead and face.
Salad Dodger: An excellent phrase for an overweight person.


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